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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

when i grow up

by Jason Sill

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1.
Was a long and dark December From the rooftops I remember there was snow, white snow And clearly I remember From the windows they were watching while we froze down below When the future's architectured By a carnival of idiots on show, you better lie low If you love me, won't you let me know? Was a long and dark December When the banks became cathedrals and a fox became god And priests clutched onto bibles Hollowed out to fit their rifles, and a cross was held aloft Bury me in armor When I'm dead and hit the ground, my nerves are poles that unfroze I don't wanna be a solider Who the captain of some sinking ship would stow far below So If you love me, why'd you let me go? I took my love down to Violet Hill There we sat in snow All that time, she was silent still If you love me, won't you let me know?
2.
I'm having trouble trying to sleep I'm counting sheep but running out As time ticks by, still I try No rest for crosstops in my mind On my own, here we go Hey mister, where ya headed? Are you in a hurry? I need a lift to happy hour, say oh no Do you brake for distilled spirits? I need a break as well The well that inebriates the guilt, 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4 My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed They're dried up and bulging out my skull My mouth is dry, my face is numb I'm fucked up and spun out in my room On my own here we go Troubled times, you know I cannot lie I'm off the wagon and I'm hitchin' a ride Cold turkey's gettin stale Tonight I'm eating crow Fermented salmanilla poison, oh no There's a drought at the fountain of youth and I'm dehydrating My tongue is swelling up, I said 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4 My mind is set on overdrive The clock is laughing in my face I've got a crooked spine, my senses dulled Past the point of delerium On my own, here we go
3.
Doubt 03:10
I'm scared of my own image Scared of my own immaturity Scared of my own ceiling Scared I'll die of uncertainty Fear might be the death of me Fear leads to anxiety Don't know what's inside of me Don't forget about me Even when I doubt you I'm no good without you I feel that temperature dropping Temperature's dropping And I'm not sure if I can See this ever stopping I'm shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts, no You are all that I've got, no I'm gnawing on the bishops Claw our way up their system Repeating simple phrases That someone holy insisted I want the mark that's made on my skin To mean something to me again Hope you haven't left without me Hope you haven't left without me, please
4.
Jazz Hands 02:48
I've seen so many shows I think I'm going fucking deaf And when I sit in silence notes still ring inside my head But the music is so genuine that I gotta show my jazz hands The energy it flows through me till I can't help but move and dance Take me to a place of purest music notes and sound The music played in elevators makes composers proud And sometimes it's too much to dance and I gotta show my jazz hands The melody and harmony are all around you, take a chance Move, just move 'Cause you can't dance out of tune And if you ever find yourself with tear stains on your face, Know that you can still pull through without any good grace Put on your favorite album, love, and dance with your jazz hands Know that all I wanna do is catch your smiling glance Hello dear, I've got a secret, come on listen close Music's got all of the answers nobody else knows And if jazz hands are the only move to express the way I feel, Goddamn I'm gonna move my hands, my body makes this music real
5.
Carried Away 02:57
I lived through a story of postcards and nothings Nothing's like something when I'm carried away Hoping that I could simply take off running I hit a dead end and I'm carried away I feel like I'm caught Between the truth and the answer One keeps me warm, the other in tact I feel like I'm caught 'Cause the truth's not the answer But I have been warned I wrote down a list but I know I won't tell you Of things that remind me that I'm carried away I'm playing with fire and I never meant to I always tend to get carried away Take this for my peace of mind I know it's a misstep Trace my steps back from the dead end I've come to And I can't help but remember the way I'll take advice and I'll give the right answer But if truth can be told I'm still carried away

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released April 30, 2016

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Jason Sill Brooklyn, New York

Wisconsin boy in Brooklyn.

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